Well, what a very strange six months we have just had.
I think we have all been through our own levels of emotion. I like many others experienced many changes. I lost my job, wasn't able to visit my family or friends, found a job (which in itself is strange when you are trying to build relationships via a phone call or video), drank and ate too much, started to get back into the swings of things as lock down rules were relaxed, then take a few steps back as the lockdown rules were tightened again. I also broke my arm and had to have an operation. I also had some wonderful experiences, walked more (thank goodness for nature), cooked more, found a new love for my garden, played board games with my hubby and son. I'm sure that you can all add to the list. It has been a real roller coaster, hasn't it?
Those of you who are close to me would see me (I believe) as a positive person, strong and emotionally level. You may be surprised to hear that in the middle of all the above I took a bit of a dive and went through a couple of months of really low moods and periods of draining anxiety. I can generally pull myself up from negative thinking and what it brings with it quite quickly (as I have the tools to help myself), however on this occasion it took me a lot longer to get out of what I termed 'the dark hole'.
I considered going to see a counsellor, in fact I contacted one. In the end, what helped me was going back to basics. I wrote down my feelings and worked backwards to understand what I was thinking or what was happening to bring on such low moods.
I re-introduced Pilates to my routine and mediation and am trying to focus on things that I know are fact (I'm a right one for catastrophising and emotional reasoning) and I know I can change. I logged my thinking for a week or so and quickly got to the bottom of the issues that were causing me to feel so low. I was focusing on all the negatives in my life and not all the positives. I truly believe that 'we are what we think'. I'll continue working on myself, giving myself that space I needed for a bit of a re-boot.
UPDATE - I've had some very very caring and wonderful messages from friends due to this BLOG. Thank you for showing the love. I want to assure you all that I am still very strong (stubborn my husband might say) and totally understand what I have in my life... I'm very blessed.
To anyone else suffering, no matter what you are going through, I'm here for you if you need me.
It genuinely is OK not to be OK. We all fall at one point or another in our lives.
With Love xxxx
