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How to deal with hurt

For the purposes of this BLOG the definition of hurt is ‘to cause mental pain or to cause distress.’

So many people start their journey in therapy with a bag load of negative unhelpful emotions. They may understand that their thoughts and emotions are flawed or that the hurt that keeps coming back to bite them happened decades ago, yet still it rules their lives and holds them back. Removing any negative emotion is hard. We get into a cycle of feeling, doing, being and it is hard to break that cycle; it can be broken though.

You know that when a negative emotion is unhealthy and keeps on causing you issues it is time to let it go. Easy words to use I hear you cry. I have a few handy tips on how you can try to get over being hurt:

  • Take into account the full picture. If someone has hurt you by for example shouting at you, try to understand the full picture – behind every act is a positive intent (even if that positive intent is not directed at you). Ask and find all perspectives. You can also do this by putting yourself into the persons shoes that might be causing the hurt. What reason do they have to hurt you? Do they know how their behaviour is making you feel?

  • Understand your own limits. Are you emotionally sensitive? Work on ways to make yourself less vulnerable. You can learn how to relax a little by meditating, practicing calming breathing techniques or doing something you love. Remove yourself from the situation causing hurt. Get yourself in a positive frame of mind and choose how you want to respond.

  • Set boundaries. Visualise a force shield around you whole being, don't let the rubbish that causes you hurt penetrate that force shield. Visualise it bouncing off, have a smile at that power you have within you.

  • Take responsibility. Although it may be another person or situation that hurt you only you can chose to allow it to hurt you. Make the choice not to allow yourself to feel that pain anymore. Start to notice those unhelpful thoughts and change them so that they are more helpful to you.

  • Forgiveness. Forgive the person for their hurtful deed or hurtful words. Forgiveness is just like letting go of a balloon and watching it float away until it is a dot, then nothing….. It’s gone. Try visualising that, fill up the balloon with those feelings, let the balloon go, watch it rise higher and higher until it pops and disappears.

  • Make that decision. Remove the person from your life causing you hurt? Remove yourself from the situation causing you pain? Change the way you think about the event. Seek some professional help.

If you still cannot remove hurt from your life and it is holding you back or impacting those around you then seek some help, you do not need to continue to feel held back by this emotion.

Much love Jo xxxx

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