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  • Jo Jones

The Hole!


Do you go through life not feeling fulfilled; feeling like there is a hole inside and not knowing how to fill it? Do you feel incomplete or that things are just ‘not right’?

You are not alone if you do. Many people that come to me for support have these (or similar) feelings too. Many people try to use logic and reason to search for understanding. I would suggest that to get to what we really want we need to start using emotion. I read something the other week that said while we were growing up most people are told not to show emotion; don’t be angry, sit down and be quiet, be serious or this is not the time or place for singing/laughing/shouting. We learn to ‘push down’ our emotions when we are younger.

Massey’s Period of Development demonstrates that our values and beliefs are developed when we are younger. If you’re not aware of them here they are:

From 0 – 7 years of age we develop our imprint (Imprint)

From 8 – 13 years of age we start to copy people (Modelling)

From 13 – 21 years of age we are influenced by our peers (Socialisation)

From 21 – 35 years of age we develop our business/personal values and beliefs (Business/Personal)

Rather than learn to feel good by what we feel inside, we learn to feel good (and sometimes be guided) by what other people say and do to us or what we have and don’t have. We lose that natural instinct to make ourselves feel happy or fulfilled or full/whole. We look at others and the world for ‘blame’. It may be that we have past filled with pain and we don’t know what our future holds.

The first stage of filling in the hole is to take back control, be responsible for our own destiny and our own happiness, and notice what is inside of us. Stop listening to those voices in side your head that are always negative; you shouldn’t, you can’t, you’re not good enough, how will I cope….. This is an easy thing for me to write and I understand it is a lot harder to do, it may seem impossible to some.

To learn to take back control you need to start slowly, have faith, make a commitment to yourself (this is key to the success of any change – you need to be in the process with purpose), be patient with yourself, seek help and support. Making any change takes time; unfortunately there is no magic wand.

Think of a one thing that you know will start you on your path to filling in that hole; sometimes making one positive change has an avalanche effect on other things. Start to work on that thing. If you maybe don’t enjoy your job or are unhappy in a relationship, identify and change the beliefs that might be repressing positive emotions.

Adding a positive emotion into your life like peace, calm, happiness, or gratitude will also help. Do things that make you happy more often, walk in nature, listen to music, and spend more time with people that fill us up with positivity. Look in the mirror and start with one positive affirmation a day….. One positive thing you can say about yourself. If you can’t think of one, then ask a friend or family member (one who you trust and who knows you) for one.

Start slowly and use all the support you can get. Once you tap into those positive emotions and start doing the things you love and taking back control of your own destiny you will start to notice that the hole that is inside you begins to fill up.

We have lots of free resources that will help you (FREEBIES):

  • Do you really want to change

  • Goal setting process

  • Advantages/Disadvantages of change

  • Yes, No, Maybe

  • Cartesian Questions

  • Career Choices

  • Free Guided Meditations

  • Your Wellbeing UK – Weekly BLOGs

  • Take a look at these as there are so many tool, tips, techniques shared

Sometimes no matter how hard we want to and no matter how hard we try we just cannot shed the negative emotions that have built up over time. If you are still struggling then maybe now it is time for you to seek a little support. If this is you then why not take advantage of our free initial consultation. You can book a face to face, email, phone or SKYPE consultation on our Online Booking page.

Until next time, with Love xxxx


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