One of the NLP presuppositions is that ‘There is no Failure, only Feedback’. Everyone has their unique way of perceiving and making sense of the world and as a consequence their own view of what constitutes feedback and what constitutes failure; we are all unique.
‘There is no Failure, only Feedback’ is an easy thing to say but a little harder to embed. Sometimes feedback – if you believe it to be negative – is hard to swallow. However, if you turn that on its head and believe that there is no such thing as failure only results that you can learn from, the thought process changes. Here are some views I’ve picked up around feedback and failure:
Viewed positively feedback should enable us to seek improvement; it’s a learning
If you have plans or a goal that might have gone astray, rather than think that you have failed think about what you have learned, chose to learn, change direction if you need to, pick yourself up and go at it again
Feedback allows us to know if we are on the right path – in life and in our relationships
Failure is a dead end
Feedback should empower you, help you make or adopt corrective measures
If you have received feedback that doesn’t ‘sit right with you’ seek clarification; ask a trusted friend or family member their opinion
Feel confident to speak up for yourself and ask for clarification if you’ve received feedback you don’t understand
Thank the person for providing feedback
I do appreciate that feedback can sometimes be difficult, we can sometimes take it personally and it can at times cause offence – I know from past experience. We all have a choice, you can choose to take any perceived negative feedback as just that (as a failing) OR you can choose to take it as a learning.
If you take feedback personally or if the feedback you give is personal, these tips may help you to listen to and give feedback.
Ask for permission to give feedback
Make sure the feedback is constructive and delivered in a caring way (assume positive intent)
Separate the person from the behaviour – don’t make the feedback personal
Make sure that the person understands the feedback; allow them to have their say
Remember that feedback should be positive
Be a role model
Let the other person finish before you have your say
Let the words sound through (don’t hold onto them), gage your emotions, don’t be defensive
Ask yourself if there is anything for you to learn
Did you understand the feedback; do you need to seek specifics
Remember that feedback is just a snapshot
Feedback should not be personal, if the person giving the feedback has not separated the person from the behaviour, thank them and walk away
If you have limiting beliefs or negative emotions holding you back from taking control then why not give Time Line Therapy a try? We have an ONGOING OFFER of three sessions for the price of two. If you are unsure whether this type of treatment will be right for you why not book an inital consultation!
Make sure you remain in control. Sending you lots of positive energy and love xxxx